Mac 2017

Assalamualaikum. Sudah 2017. 4 tahun sejak kali terakhir aku post sesuatu dalam blog ni. Aktiviti alam maya sudah banyak dimbilalih oleh facebook. Blog sudah amat jarang kusinggah. Yang melawat pun, barangkali langsung tiada. Aku sudah berpindah ke Layang-Layang, Johor. Sejak Mac 2016 lagi. Semua. Isteri dan anak-anak kami. Kami menyewa di sini. Rumah satu tingkat di kawasan perumahan kecil. Baiklah. Hingga ketemu lagi. Pendek saja cukup untuk post pertama dalam 4 tahun :)

Julai 2013

22 Julai 2013. Cukup 12 tahun 1 hari majlis graduasi ijazah pertama aku di Universiti Tenaga Nasional (Uniten). Ijazah aku, Bachelor of Electrical Engineering (Honours) atau BEE (Hons). Ini ijazah aku yang pertama, dan tiada ijazah kedua dan seterusnya. Sebab aku rasa burnt out giler lepas abis final paper aku untuk ijazah pertama ini. Aku langsung tiada keyakinan untuk menyambung pelajaran ke tahap lebih tinggi untuk ijazah sarjana dan seterusnya.

Disember 2012 : Entri Nombor Dua

Ayah Sakit
Ayah sakit. Tak boleh jalan. Dah operate dalam bulan ni. Harap ok dan bertambah baik.
Aku sedikit ralat. Sebab, tinggal jauh dengan ayah. Dan Ma. Semoga dipermudahkan urusan oleh Allah SWT.

Rumah Baru
Kunci dah dapat. dah boleh pindah. Tapi agak kalut proses untuk pindah itu. Tak tau sempat ke tak dalam tahun ini. Cuti sekolah dah nak habis.

Tekanan Kerja
Lagi! Pengalaman kerja 10 tahun tidak banyak membantu. Lebih lama kerja sepatutnya aku makin tenang tapi sebalinya aku jadi makin teruk. Makin skeptikal, makin pessimist.

Bicara Oktober 2012

salam to all, (cheh bunyi macam nak send email on work related stuff plak)

Punya la lama giler aku x post apa2 kat blog ni. Sejak webmaster (betul ker) ICT tempat aku keja dah block semua jenis blogspot, wordpress and whatever yang didefinisikan sebagai social-website (yer ker - hentam jer lah), aku dah menghadapi masalah untuk access page ni. Ada mobile broadband, tapi selalu wife aku pakai dan kalu pakai pun kadang2 tu boleh menguruskan pahala puasa (macam aku puasa). Ya la, tapi kalu betul bulan puasa betul la boleh kurus pahal puasa, so to speak.

So many things happened. Jerman dah kalah kat semi-final Euro 2012. Frust tak payah cerita lah. Nasib baik, Kelantan The Red Warriors menang Malaysian Super League dan juga Piala FA. Heppy la jugak.

Raya? Tahun ni Raya Puasa kitorang balik ikut Tganu. Lalu LPT n Bukit Besi, susur Kuala Berang, Sg Tong, pastu err. tak ingat.. lalu Kuala Besut kalu tak silap, Gertak Seratus, Tok Bali dan Kandis.. Cuti Raya agak panjang tapi macam biasa, holiday is never long enough. Tuk Pa dah agak uzur, TukMa masih cergas namun biasa la, dah berumur takde la macam orang muda. Tuk Ayah dan TukMa masih menten namun jelas usia makin memamah sisa kehidupan mereka. Bila la kerajaan nak wujudkan polisi menggalakkan majikan mempostingkan (apa sinonim bahasa Melayu nya eh?) pekerja di negeri asal, atau negeri di mana ibubapa mereka tinggal. Boleh ker macam tu?

Kerja? Alhamdulillah banyak projek komited utk tahun ni dah siap sebelum raya. Tinggal satu jer tak siap-siap.. Pressure dah kurang, tapi aku still rasa aku tak sesuai buat kerja ni. Tapi dalam masa yang sama aku dah tak tau kerja apa lagi yang aku boleh buat. Haha padan muka aku. Kerja yang memerlukan aku cakap dengan ramai orang. Benci betul, tapi kalu tak cakap dengan orang aku nak cakap dengan apa lak yer.. hehe.


// gambar hiasan: Gunung Bromo di Indonesia..

Jun 2012

Salam,

Sudah lama tidak menulis. Stress dan tekanan silih berganti.

Harap Jerman menang Euro 2012. Ceria la sekejap.

I Am Myself

This is a therapy session. Sesi luahan perasaan.

I am an introvert. My job, requires me to be an extrovert. So there is a neverending conflict within myself.

Kat kedai makan, kalu aku order kueyteow sup, tiba-tiba yang datang mihun sup, aku makan jugak.. maka begitu lah analoginya. My job, on the other hand, requires me to be detailed, focused on the specs and requirements. Thus, another neverending conflict within myself.

I am a very soft person, or am trying very hard to be one, I guess. I tries to be nice to everyone. My job, requires me to be aggressive, to commmand and demand, to seek approval and give instructions, to 'push' people. I don't like to be aggresive. I I don't enjoy 'pushing' people. Another cause of internal conflict.

Internal conflicts lead to stress. There are many type of stress management. I listen to IKIM.fm, there are lots of good motivational speakers on air.  I read SOLUSI, there are lots of good articles in there. They say Marah itu Mudah, Sabar itu Indah. Well, everyday, or most of the day I find myself in the ANGRY position but everytime I tries to SABAR. but am I doing the right thing by being ultra-defensive without any plan to strike back?

Some people said, in brothers an sister, there is a formula of Tanah-Air-Api-Angin for children No 1-2-3-4. I am No 3, so I guess it's natural for me to easily get angry. Sabar is a routine but sometimes i do wonder for how long can I hold my temper. It's boiling down there, relatively speaking.

Then there's issue of incompetent, or non-suitability to the job, maybe.  My job requires me to be highly competent, be it technically competent i.e know HOW as well as socially competent i.e know WHO and how to talk to or communicate to the WHO. Me? I have limited technical knowledge and I found it very hard nowadays to understand all the technical explanation let alone to guide someone on that. That makes me technically incompetent. I am an introvert, a very reserved person who finds it very hard just to talk to people let alone to give speech or presentation. I am socially incompetent.

Am I too soft or just plain stupid? Am I, well a remarkably patient person or just a plain coward? Do I need a job change? Well at times I do think I need that but maybe, yes maybe I am too shy (afraid? coward?) to say so.

Stress is a routine. In desperate attempts to curb my stress, I eat alot. Well, it does release the stress for that short period of time. However, overeating leads to another stress i.e stress to my body. I am gaining alot of weight. It has been 4kg increase since I moved here so it's almost 1kg/month. There's limited time for physical activities that does not help either. I know death is inevitable but I have to keep myself healthy at least for my family, my wife and our two dotters but it's hard to resist the temptation. Stress is killing me slowly.. literally speaking.

Maybe I should request to be tranferred to where there will be minimum intraction with people but where would that be? Do I have the courage to do so?

may I found peace, TQ. hahahaa..